The Illustrated Lost Show Transcript
I'll See You in Court (0308)
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This episode was never broadcasted in the US before June 18, 2002, on FX. Since FX cut out four lines it still has never
been shown in the US unedited, though! This transcript marks the lines censored by FX in green
characters. I'll See You in Court was originally scheduled for February of 1989, on Fox, but
the censors (the "Broadcast Standards" department) of Fox Network declined many lines in the script. The main reason for
these refusals was the topic of the show: sex. The editors and producers didn't accept all these changes as the
episode's integrity didn't allow this in their eyes. It aired in Europe, Canada and in other parts of the world many
times within the gap of 13 years, 5 months and 12 days between its taping and its US premiere.
The following transcript is very authentic. I combined
two transcripts which were written by Alex De Rouck (be) and Jose Pinzon (ve).
Many thanks to them and to Niklaus Meier (ch) for the video tape. Thanks a lot to Norman H. West
(us), who corrected the last mistakes, to Carolyn Crapo (us) for the information about the MoTaR,
to Tom Voss (ca) for the information about Canada and to dvdflm (us) for the FX edits.
Last update November 25, 2002.
Episode Name: I'll See You in Court
Production Code: 0308
Taping Date: January 6, 1989
US Premiere Date: June 18, 2002
World Premiere Date: unknown, around 1990
Writers: Jeanne Baruch & Jeanne Romano. They also wrote the teleplay for episode 322 ("Here's Lookin' at You, Kid").
Director: Gerry Cohen
Special: Al has sex with Peg for four hours (A record, if you don't count the two nights, one day marathon in ep. 722
("Till Death Do Us Part"), where they also have the other record: 6 seconds)
Ms. Weigel, the defender - Lora Zane
Judge - Lillian Lehman
Jury Foreman - Ken Thorley
In the Bundy Living Room
(Peg is watching TV, the kids are coming downstairs)
Male TV Host : We'll be back in a moment with Dr. Sandy, Channel 67's leading authority on sex and weather.
Bud : Mom, how are we gonna get money? Dad took his wallet in the shower with him.
Kelly : Yeah, and as we all know, when we rifled his pants last night, we found a note in his pocket that said
'It's in my underwear, I dare you'. Dad's playing hardball, what are we gonna do, mom?
Peg : Ah, don't worry about it. That's not his real wallet. This is (She shows a wallet)
Bud : But won't dad know?
Peg : No. I bought a duplicate wallet and I filled it with xeroxed money, ha ha. The way I figured it,
if your dad's got the gall to go out and buy himself something without telling the family,
he deserves to go to jail.
(The children leave the house, Peg is watching TV)
Male TV Host : And now we're back with Dr. Sandy and viewer mail.
Dr. Sandy : Our first letter is from desperate a.k.a. 'Peggy Pundy'. She writes: "Lately my husband,
we'll call him 'Sal', shows no interest in sex, at least not with me" Well my dear, perhaps a change
of venue would spice up your sex life. Have you tried doing it in the living room?
(Peg looks around, then back to the screen and shakes her head)
Dr. Sandy : Or in the kitchen?
(She looks to the kitchen, then back to the screen and shakes her head again)
Dr. Sandy : And there's always the bathroom.
(Flushing noise from upstairs, Peg turns her head to the stairs, then she looks back to the screen,
smiles and shakes her head)
Dr. Sandy : Try it, Mrs. Pundy, you'll like it. I did!.
(Peg turns off the TV, Al comes downstairs)
Al : Well Peg, I'm showered and ready to go to work, an edge ever closer to the grave. Wish me luck.
Peg : Al, take me. I wanna have sex on the kitchen table. (She sits down on the kitchen table)
(Al is looking at her perplexed)
Al : I wanna have a meal on the kitchen table. Learn to live without it. I did. Goodbye.
Peg : Al, I'm serious, I want sex.
Al : Peg, how long have we been married? 40 or 50 years? Do we not have two children?
Peg : Well, yeah.
Al : Then my job's done.
Marcy (Coming in) Good morning, Al.
Al : Try selling shoes (He leaves)
Peg : Marcy, let me ask you something. Have you and Steve ever ... done it in other places?
Marcy : You mean like planes, buses, the observation deck of the John Hancock building?
Peg : Ohh, sit down. (They sit down) Marcy, I'm trying to put some excitement and spontaneity into our sex life. Actually,
I'm trying to put Al back into our sex life.
Marcy : Well, let's start with seduction. What's your technique?
Peg : Well, what works best is when I leave a trail of chocolate bars from the bathroom to the bed. Of course,
the trick is to space them out just right, so he doesn't eat too much or he'll doze off before he gets to me.
Marcy : (Smiling) Perfectly normal, perfectly normal. But remember Peggy, men are like little boys. You have to make
sex naughty, filthy and degrading, the way they like it. And the way we need it. So, whenever I wanna put a
little more beef in Steve's jerky, I take him to this nice little romantic motel out near the airport.
It's called 'The Hop-on Inn'.
(Peggy shines with pleasure)
In a Hop-on Inn Room
(Peg and Al enter the room)
Peg : Isn't it beautiful?
Al : I think I know what's going on here. The chocolates in the car, the oil on my zipper. You want sex, don't you?
Peg : No, I want a fur coat. But I'll take what's behind zipper number one.
Al : Peggy, if you scare him like this, he'll never come out.
Peg : Look, Al, I want sex. Do you wanna be conscious or not? Oh, come on honey, we could start with a Jacuzzi.
Al : Oh Peg, I hate Jacuzzi. They shoot air up my butt.
Peg : Well, that's a nice change of pace. Oh look, they left us a movie, a mood enhancer. (Reads the label)
'Filth'. Sounds pretty romantic. Well, I'm just gonna change. (Lets her coat fall from her shoulders. Now
she's standing in front of Al with a nightdress) Okay Al, pop in the movie, pop in a breath mint and let's coax
the mummy out of his crypt.
Al : I don't wanna have sex, you're my wife for God's sake! Hasn't having the kids taught you anything ?
Nothing good comes of it.
Peg : Now sit down and watch this movie.
(Al sits down; Peg puts the video into the VCR and sits down next to him)
Peg : Now, isn't this fun? (They are watching) Whoa, I didn't know a human leg could do that! (Watching on)
Oh I want that! (Louder) Oh, and I want that! (Even louder) And I definitely want that!
(Both are slowly tilting their heads on their shoulders, then they are humming approvingly)
Al and Peg : Uuuh Uhh!
Peg : You know, that guy looks a little like... (They look at each other)
Al and Peg: Steve and Marcy!
Al : That is Steve and Marcy!
Peg : Wow, look at her go!
Al : Ah Peg, what kind of parvo would get turned on watching themselves?
Peg : Oh, shut up Al! (Opening Al's shirt)
(Peg sprays something into her and Al's mouth, then she pushes Al down into the bed. She lies
on top of Al and looks back twice to the screen)
Peg, breathing : Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo ...
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© Andreas Carl 2002